Dear Bike Thief,
I would like to tell you that i am very disappointed in the choices you have made recently. First of all, stealing is bad; very bad. Secondly, you chose the wrong bike. Mark is a very nice boy who loves his bike and didn't deserve to get it stolen. When you took it, it made him very sad, distressed, shocked, and angry.
Next, you don't have very good taste. Although Mark's bike was very nice, it certainly wasn't the best bike there. After all, mine is a better brand, newer, and was parked right next to his. And, i would not have minded nearly as much if you had taken mine; I rarely ride it whereas Mark rides his everyday.
Also, it was very rude of you to just snip off his lock and toss it aside. We paid a good $15 for that lock and would much appreciate it if you would treat it with a little more respect. And i would like to tell you that you are not nearly as cool as you think you are. I know you probably thought you were all motcho taking it in broad daylight, but it just shows me that this is probably not your first time, and you have a lot of problems in your life.
So, for all of these reasons i feel very sorry for you and your pitiful thieving existence. I hope you are either thoroughly enjoying your "new" bike or else you got a good amount of money and used it for something worthwhile. For now i am just going to assume that you need it more than us.
Now if you will excuse me, I'm going bike shopping! (and buying a much better lock)
with utter disgust,
Callie
5 comments:
Ugh! That stinks! I'm sorry :(
Everyone steals. It was probably your Sunday School teacher who stole it. I used to work at a store and my job was to catch shoplifters. When we'd stop them, we'd get the merchandise back and fine them. They'd hand over their ID so we could do all the paper work and I saw quite a few BYU ID cards and temple recommends next to their ID in their wallets.
Sad.
That's my biggest fear. Someone stealing my bicycle. Even bigger fear than being attacked by spiders.
That makes me so sad. I hope you can find another one Mark will love.
Poor Marky. I hope the jerk who stole it gets hit by a car one day as he jaybikes across a busy street... ok, maybe that was a little harsh. But it's so infuriating when people have the nerve to take something that doesn't belong to them! Despicable!
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